I'm Back . . . . .

Sorry for the disappearance - life has been busy and stressful and a little crazy. No, I mean more so than usual. :-)

It struck me last night how much time has actually passed when I walked out the door to the classroom building I was teaching in last night. It was 8:00 pm and it was dark! Just a week ago, I walked out of the same building and it wasn't. I know that Labor Day is the "unofficial" end of Summer, but I don't remember it happening like someone flipping a switch. Or am I just forgetful in my old age.

I immediately thought the memory was going because I wonder just how reliable memories are. When I was talking to my daughter yesterday - and her daughter was throwing a temper tantrum in the not distant enough background - I wondered if my memory was off regarding her childhood. Yes, I remember her occasionally throwing temper tantrums - she would throw herself on the floor and scream until she got tired or realized that I wasn't paying attention (whichever came first) and then it would be over. Tantrums weren't an everyday occurance. Although she was stubborn, I remember clearly that she was (although quite sassy in her 'terrible twos') pretty compliant. She wanted her way, but not like my dear granddaughter. She was happy and often a pleaser. When she was upset, she was more of a pouter. But is that my old age corrupting my memories?

I have realized over the years that I tend to forget things that aren't important. And, the temper tantrums aren't important enough to store.

On second thought, my membory hasn't completely gone yet, because I remember VIVIDLY all the horrific temper tantrums my son threw!

The difficult times we have raising children are, for the most part, like the labor pains we had delivering them. We remember them - but they are somewhat diminished once they are wrapped in the cloak of our eternal and overwhelming love for the little monsters.

Grandson

I sat on the floor with my grandson today and played with him. It was so sweet. He shook toys and smled and laughed at me. He let me read him a book - until he took it away because I wasn't getting to the end quickly enough - and nodded and babbled along with the words.

I tried to get him to take a nap once - which lasted about 20 minutes - but I did get him to lay on a blanket on the floor with me and play quietly. He kept looking over at me and trying to tell me something - which must have been a joke because it was cracking him up. After about 40 minutes of that I turned on the light and we sat up to see what was on Nick Jr. He seemed rested and happy - though I wondered if he was going to crash early once he got home.

I like being a Grammy. It doesn't allow me to get much housework done, but it sure is fun.

Festivals

Today the activity outside my window is bustling. There is an arts festival on the promenade this weekend and vendors have been setting up cabanas and canopies all day. I don't envy them - it's really hot out there.

I like towns that have fastivals. Its nice to give the residents something fun to do - and the crafts and indulgent food tents are just icing on the cake.

I won't get to visit this festival. Unfortunately I don't live in this town. But I'm glad that I get to see it progressing.

Bagels

I have this wonderful little bagel deli down the street from my office. I first discovered their lunchtime bagel sandwishes - chicken salad is heavenly - and now I've gone for breakfast. A toasted bagel with cream cheese is always a yummy breakfast.

I don't understand, however, why they put so much cream cheese on a toasted bagel. It's really overkill. The flavor is great, but I like it to compliment the bagel not the other way around. And, on a hot toasted bagel, it melts. So when you pick it up to eat, your hand is invariably covered with creamy goo.

It is my humble belief that the best part of a toasted bagel with cream cheese is the bagel. The chewiness, the flavors, the texture - all parts of the more important part of the combo.

So, it's decided. The next time I go for a breakfast bagel - I'll tell them to go easy on the cream cheese.

The Promenade

I love the area I work in. I wish I lived here.

Outside my window there is a wonderful brick promenade on both sides of the Creek. There are benches, grassy areas, and fountains. On a couple nights each month they set up a canopy and have banks play at the outdoor amphitheater (stepped tiers of grass.) They are setting up now for a festival this weekend - marking off booth spaces, putting up a few cabanas. This morning I arrived to find someone sleeping on a bench inside one of the cabanas.

My favorite thing to watch from my window, however, are the dogs. They love to play in the small fountain. It's just a small round pool with a little jet of water shooting several inches up - just enouch to keep the water moving in the pool. This morning there was a very large German Shepherd romping around the small circle. He made galloping laps around the edge of the pool and tried to catch the water spraying up. It was fun to watch.

Its supposed to be pretty warm today - maybe I'll walk down for ice cream later and enjoy the promenade.

It's a Monday-Tuesday

Long weekends have one inherent problem. I can't keep my days straight for the rest of the week. I set the trash out on the wrong night. I miss TV shows that I wanted to watch. I forget doctor appointments.

Yes, I had a doctor appointment this morning. I was all the way to the parking garage at work when I realized I was supposed to be there. I called them and said I'd be a half hour late and dashed back. They fit me in quickly and I was back on the road about 15 minute after getting there. They told me I could have rescheduled, but nothing else they had was convenient. I'd already told my boss I'd be an hour late - and I was 57 minutes late - so I just made the double trip.

So much for a short week requiring less gas in my car.

Weekend

Another weekend is coming to an end. I did some planting, got my shopping done, made bread, visited with both grandchildren, watched several episodes of a Shark marathon, finished a book, caught up my classwork, and re-colored my hair.

I suppose that's not bad.

Outside

Have I mentioned that I have grown to hate being outside? It's nothing personal - I used to love the great outdoors. But it affects me differently now.

Yesterday morning I cut my grass and spent some time outdoors with my daughter in the afternoon. All day today I've had a sinus headache.

This evening I was outside planting some tomatoes, herbs, and flowers. Less than an hour. I came back in with no less than 9 mosquito bites!

The great outdoors seems to harbor some ill will toward me. Some grudge from days gone by. I don't know. But the feeling is becoming mutual.

I think someday in the future if I could have any outdoor space that I want, I would want a balcony high above the mosquitoes or a screened in porch under the shade of a large tree. I like the outdoors now when it's not really outside.

A Day in the Park

I spent the afternoon with my daughter and granddaughter. My granddaughter is a joy. She's happy and cranky - playful and ornery - talkative and pensive. She's a delight. And she seems to enjoy me.

We played, took a walk, visited a playground, and played some more.

I think she knew the day was winding down when she was in her daddy's arms after a diaper change and reached out her arms for Grammy. It made me feel wonderful.

Grandchildren are great. But I am so tired now.

Physical Therapy

My PT ended last night. I go back to visit the doctor on Tuesday and I'm hopeful that he'll tell me that if I keep up the exercises, he won't have to operate on my shoulder. Yippee.

Who knew my shoulders were so weak. The Physical Therapists told me it was because the "girls" were a little large. Shoulder posture is never what it should be in women with hefty girls. Even though everyone remarked that I had great back posture, everyone said my shoulders came forward just a bit. This meant the muscles in the front of my shoulders were underused - and, of course, that meant other muscles were overused.

So now I'm doing exercises to keep it strong. And I'm trying to keep the shoulder posture as it should be - which means pushing the girls out into the world.

Free Time

There is a long weekend coming. I can't wait. I've been looking forward to it for quite a while. I had nothing on the schedule. Three whole days with nothing to do but work on my "to do" list and enjoy the quiet solitude.

Well, that was the plan. Somehow I now have something on the schedule - I'm visiting my daughter. I'm happy to have time with her, but I'm also feeling stressed to have something on the schedule. I've waffled about this, but I've finally decided how to handle it.

I've decided to wait until afternoon - I'll get as much done as I can in the morning and just about the time I would have given up to the sofa, I'll leave for the visit. So, I think I can live with giving up a bit of my long-awaited weekend with nothing on the schedule.

Ah, a guilt free visit. Much better.

Heat

Today the temperature reached over 90 degrees. And with the humidity being high, it was horrible. It's days like this that make me believe my daughter is crazy.

Earlier this week she suggested that I forgo my lunch hour trips to the library and instead take walks . . . for my health. I have no issue with taking walks, but walks in the middle of the day are problematic. Especially on 90 degree days.

I fear that, after said walk, I would return to my office all sweaty and flushed. Sweat isn't a nice addition to office attire. Hence, the crazy remark.

Restaurants

Why is it that most restaurants (and, I suppose, all food sellers in general) believe they can't make something delicious without making it completely bad for you? They've given you alternatives when it comes to fat content, but what about the salt?

I had a truly wonderful meal today, but afterward the sodium content shot my blood pressure up horribly. I don't tend to have trouble with my blood pressure . . . except after eating badly. Mine is (thank goodness) a direct result to food.

I know to expect it from restaurants - but it's even worse in the grocery store becasue they give you no options. You can tell a fast-food place to not salt your fries (and you'll still get some)but try finding a jar of tomato sauce with lower salt levels. I was overjoyed the last time I was shopping to find a low salt albacore tuna. Now, I know all they have to do is give it a smidge less salt than it had before and they can call it low sodium - but it's a start.

I have nothing against salt - really - I just believe that it's overused and I'd like to control the amount I put in my food. Is that too much to ask?

Weekends

I am thinking that the older you get the shorter weekends get. I began the weekend thinking that I didn't have anything to do except babysit for a few hours. But then I remembered I had plans to go to lunch with my sister - so we planned a shopping trip with the grandson. So, instead of a few hours it became twelve hours (four of which he was sleeping, so it wasn't too bad.) Then I thought, well, at least I can get things done on Sunday - until I got the call from my son asking if I was still planning to take them out to an early dinner. Of course.

I got laundry done and dishes done. That is it. I had such plans - such a "to do" list. I still haven't gotten any planting done and it's almost too late. Sigh. There is a 3-day weekend coming, and (so far) I have nothing planned.

Dishes

It took me all day to get my dishes done and there are still some in the sink.

I don't cook elaborate meals these days - usually don't dirty too many dishes or pans. So sometimes (if the week has been especially busy) I'll rinse everything and stack it until a day I have time - often Sunday.

So a stack of dishes beside my sink greeted me today and I started tackling them first thing. There were so many that I did them in drainerfuls - let them air dry a bit then take a towel to them as I put them away. Then start the next batch. I would have made good progress except that Sunday is also a cooking day. I wanted soup and bread to take to work with me for my lunch this week. So as quickly as I was washing, I was using more.

I've given up for the night(its after eleven) and I still had the pan from the bread I'd made and the pot from the soup sitting in the sink. But I amtired. I will take a few few minutes of awake time to fold clothes and then bed. After all, there is always tomorrow.

Toy Stores

It's been years since I've been in a toy store. But today I went with my grandson. I don't remember toy stores being so large and having so many choices. It took us quite a while just to move through every aisle. There are a lot of nice toys - and there was a good amount of junk. I remember the junk from my kids were young - you know - it's the stuff that breaks or loses pieces almost immediately, but comes in just attractive packaging or gives the illusion of hours of play that the kids immediately want it. Thankfully, my grandson is too young to know he's being spoiled and so too young to be demanding. He also was happy with everything that I showed him, so I got to pick some nice trucks and cars (baby safe ones.)

At the check out the cashier/associate (what do they call them this decade?) asked me if I wanted to join their frequent shoppers club. She didn't bother telling me what it would do for me or how it might benefit future purchases. She just knew. I suppose she sees a lot of Grammys pass by. I didn't disappoint her - I knew that I'd be back. Probably a lot.

After all, how can I adequately spoil my granddaughter and grandson without a toy store.

Fridays

My co-worker and I were commenting today that Friday seems to have more hours in the day than any other days in the week. What a cruel twist of fate. I swear today went on f-o-r-e-v-e-r! And I even interupted the day with sushi, some reading, and a walk to the ice cream store for a big cone of Chocolate Therapy. And still the day went on and on.

If any day was going to be extra long, it should be Sunday. Plenty of time to get all the weekend chores crammed in before the new work week begins AND get some rest in.

Men

I read a line by a character in a book today that struck me. She said, when asked about her single status, that men were so much better in books. It occured to me that she may be right.

Who in their right mind would choose the real-life man over the perfected book character? I can only say that I'm glad we don't get the choice.

My Theory

I'm come to a very big realization in my life. I like complaining. I know I should be 'counting my blessings', but that is not nearly as fulfilling.

I have a theory that the world is divided in two camps - and we waffle back and forth between the two camps. Yes, I feel blessed - about half the time. The other half I complain. And I've got to say, I'm much better at the complaining. And because I'm better at it, I enjoy it more. There is a sense of satisfaction you get from doing something well.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, I want to clarify that I'm not a whiner. Whiners are irritating. A complainer is confident and self assured, whiners are weak and insecure. Sometimes whiners are manipulative - but not always. Sometimes whiners are just exhausted and can't muster the energy to complain. Complainers don't care if anyone is listing and really don't care if anyone is going to change what is being complained about.

It's a theory.

Working

I'm tired of working.

Not just today. I'm tired, period. I don't want to work any more. I've done it a while now, and it's gotten really old.

I'm not hoping to sleep the rest of my life away - just work for me. I want to work on the house, on crafts, on writing, on anything but work! I want my time to belong to me - to fritter away however I see fit.

Since I'm fifteen years away from full retirement, this seems a lofty pipe dream. But it's what I want more than anything.

Since I have no wealthy relatives to will me their estate, since finding a "sugar daddy" at my age and appearance is a slim prospect, and since neither of my children has become a famous rock star or athlete and be able to support their dear old mom, I suppose that only leaves playing the lottery.

Guess I'll stop tonight and pick up a ticket. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Birthdays

Yesterday was my son's birthday. Nothing makes you feel older than your baby getting older.

Maybe it was because he was always reckless and self-destructive, but I felt he stayed my "child" longer. He needed me and it was nice to be needed. So it comes as a surprise to learn that he 28.

When my kids were little, my daughter grew out of laps and hand-holding early. She wanted to be a little person beside you - not a child attached to you. Which was good because her brother was a baby by that time and I couldn't handle two babies. But when my son came along and was perfectly willing to crawl on my lap, I treasured it as long as I could. I knew there would be no more children for me.

It's funny how sometimes your children seem to be what you need them to be. But - I still pushed my son to be stronger and more confident, and I forced my daughter onto my lap occasionally. And it hasn't seemed to scar them for life.

Bathtub

When I am cold, tired, achey, or just stressed - the bathtub is my retreat. I make the water too hot - so it will last a while - find a book, and relax until the water is cold or my toes start to shrivel (whichever comes first.)

Sometimes, I'll watch TV (yes, there is a TV in my bathroom) or scrunch down until only my face is outside the water and listen to my heart beat. Sometimes I put the washcloth over my eyes and forehead and just contemplate . . . nothing.

I take showers in the morning - they wake me up and get me clean. But I take baths whenever. There is something about being totally immersed in warm liquid that renews you. It's like setting some invisible reset button. By the time I leave the water behind, I'm leaving my worries and aches behind also.

Car Commercials

It occured to me again today that I have passed another milestones of age - as if I needed further clues.

I was watching a commercial and a car was racing around a winding road (professional on a closed track, of course.) The announcer was listing all the perks that would make a car nut desire this car. I don't know whether he said it or if I just inferred it - but I remembered all those ads that talked about a car going zero to sixty in just a few seconds.

It didn't appeal to me. At my age, I am more interested in how quickly (and securely) it can get me back to zero. That's the next commercial - for the older adults. I wonder if any advertising firm is listening?

Change

Sometimes change can be good. But change is just disappointing.

I went to a restaurant today that I used to like. Not love, just like. I ordered my favorite item on the menu - fish taco. But it wasn't what I remembered. Now in all fairness, I haven't been there for a few years. Maybe they got a new chef. Maybe they have a new owner. Maybe it was just a bad day. But it was awful. I could swear they had drenched the taco in vinegar. And there was more cheese than fish.

This is always a disappointment. I felt the same way when Ben & Jerry's "retired" my favorite flavor. Or when they started trying to sell me those tall, slim paperbacks instead of the squat ones.

I'm really not that opposed to change in general. Just when it applies to me personally. I'm very slow to want to change. I've been trying to change that - its inhibiting. But nature is strong.

In the mean time, I'm on the look out for a new fish taco restaurant.

Let's Hear it for the Little Guys

I saw a hawk today (or some other equally large and majestic looking predatory bird.) He was flying across the highway being pecked at by two birds who looked almost tiny by comparison. They were about the size of the hawk's head.

It was a a little scarey - mostly because the hawk swooped to probably only 10 feet above the car, I suppose in at attempt to shake his attackers. But it was also a little cool to see.

I kept thinking of victims standing up to a bully. And in this situation, as we hope happens in all instances, the bully was backing down in response. Heck he was retreating.

I don't suppose this particular hawk will never again bother little birds. Nature is nature. But it was nice that these particular little birds got their way.

Reading

I currently am reading 4 books. I suppose it might be confusing for some - or maybe if they were technical or historical novels filled with facts and details - to keep them all straight. But I'm not having any trouble at all. Once I pick up one and start reading, I'm immediately on point with the plot. Three of the four are mysteries - which I was sure would prove confusing - but the characters are so vivid that I'd no sooner mix up a character and a location as I would my children.

How do I juggle 4 books? Well there is one that I have been reading at home - for my book club. There is another that is in my bag that I carry around with me - and I read in waiting rooms and in the car if I get somewhere too early. Another I read at the library over my lunch break - just pull it of the shelf and take a seat until the hour is over. And then there is the one I read (or listen to) in my car during my commute. Four.

I have to tell you, it's almost exhilarating. I love reading and so reading a lot is better still. Still I almost feel a sort of guilty self-indulgence to squeeze so much reading in to one little life. I guess that's part of the fun.

Today is one of Those Days

Sometimes when you have no one to talk to, spend time with, share things with - it's much more noticable than at other times. Today is one of those days.

I don't tend to get lonely - I truly like being alone - but sometimes I do. Today is one of those days.

Maybe it's the slight drizzle of rain outside my window that's getting me down. Maybe it's that a sister I e-mail back and forth to at work is on vacation this week. Maybe it's that I recently felt betrayed by co-workers and have been keeping to myself rather than risk any additional knives in my back. Maybe it's just one of those days.

I shopped with my daughter-in-law Saturday, I spoke with my daughter on the phone yesterday, I spoke with my son on the phone this morning. It's not as though I'm being neglected. Sometimes I guess I just feel social. I suppose this is a good week for it - 2 evenings of meetings this week. I wonder if that will be sufficient.

I wish I could put my finger on it. I'm not used to this. Or maybe today is just one of those days.

Safety

I typically walk up the stairs at work - we're only on the 2nd floor and the elevator takes forever anyway. Even after 3 months, it hasn't gotten easier. I'm still winded when I get to my floor. But since I work at a desk all day long, I figured some stairs in the parking garage and in my office building is about all the exercise I'm going to get.

I had someone tell me they thought the stairwells were creepy and wasn't I worried about walking alone in them. First - our stairwells have windows, so there is nothing creepy about them. One of them is stinky (it's how the restaurants take their trash to the dumpster out back) but that's it. Second, why would stairwells in the middle of the day be creepy - maybe at night, but not in the day.

But it occurred to me that I don't worry much about my safety. I just assume that no one is interested in me and I definitely don't look like I own anything valuable - so why worry?

Then as I came in the stairwell door this morning I noticed that our resident bike rider had rode his bike this morning. And he/she was definitely safety minded. Or so I thought. Looking closely at the bike chain, I followed the pipe it was attached to and saw that under the stairs it ended. Not ended as in going into a wall. Just ended. Open ended. I guess he's not as safety minded as I thought. Or maybe its only the illusion that matters.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.

It's been, what, seven years since my mom died? I don't even remember the exact date any longer. It was at the end of February. I suppose I should remember the year and exact day, but I just don't want to. I suppose if it was important to me, I'd remember it. But, for some reason, it's more important for me not to remember the details.

If I let myself think about it, I supposed I would think it was a little wacky, but I don't tend to let myself think about it. The important fact is I no longer have a mother. I try to understand it sometimes. Why I don't have a mother. But I can't do anything about it, so I focus on my children.

But another Mother's Day has come to an end. I'm safe for another year.

Petunias

I bought my petunias today. I buy petunias every year. I want no other flower to greet me at the front door as I come home.

I've had other flowers there, but there is something about that wonderful scent wafting from the pots on the front porch that just says "welcome home."

Scents are very powerful. I can smell something that will take me back to high school or to my babies (when they were babies.) I have smells that make me think of my ex (before we were married.) I think everyone is like this.

But I think the smells that just make us feel comfortable and think of home are the best smells of all. For me there are a few - turkey roasting in the oven, bread baking, and petunias.

Milestones

This morning my daughter turned 30. At exactly 2:32 am, to be precise, thirty years ago today I became a mother for the first time. She was planned, eager awaited, and adored . . . well, at least until she turned about 15.

Being a mother was one of my life goals. I used to tell people I wanted one hundred kids (does it describe my immaturity if I tell you that I was also going to raise them in a castle?) But by the time I got married I'd decided I wanted four - two boys and two girls. I'm not sure if I truly believed I could choose, but I was adament that I'd have two of each. My husband was on board after my daughter was born - but after his son came along two years later he changed his mind. I was crushed, but I realized that it was meant to be five years later when we divorced. I had one child for each hand - what more could I handle?

My little girl brought another little girl into the world in the last year. She was planned for (though she decided that her parent's plan took too long and surprised them), she was eagerly awaited, and she is definitely adored. And I plan to be around when she turns 15 just so I can sit in the background and smile.

Orientation

I did the orientation tonight for the online class I teach. It's just a brief hour out of the students day where they can familiarize themselves with the software, the class, what I expect of them, and what they can expect from the class. So nothing is a surprise.

Wouldn't it be nice if everything new had an orientation?

Although thinking about it again, I suppose it's a mixed bag of nuts. If I'd had a proper orientation of my job, I might not have taken it. If we'd had true orientations for pregnancy and children, would the population explosion come to a grinding halt? What about marriage? If we truly knew the ups and downs (hopefully not in equal measure) how many would take the plunge?

I personally would like orientation for shopping. So many items of clothing (shoes especially) seem not what I'd been hoping for once I'd got them home. But in all the big things, I guess I prefer not knowing exactly what to expect. Knowing might allow me to second guess my decisions and change outcomes that really weren't that bad. I guess I'd rather be surprised. I think you handle things better when they are thrust upon you - what choice do you have. And if, in order to see the good things around the bend I'd also have to see the bad things coming, well, no thanks.

I've made pretty well so far. I'll just let ignorance carry me the rest of the way.

Physical Therapy

I now have to do physical therapy for my shoulder. I have a bone spur. And when the tendon becomes inflamed, the bone spur rubs on it and causes wear and tear. This I understand. What I don't understand is how USING my shoulder - such as in phsical therapy - would not also cause the tendon to become inflamed. Thus the cycle.

I asked the doctor AND the physical therapist this question. Both detailed some gibberish about stronger muscles. I tried to follow, I really did. In the end I just agreed to it because the next step is surgery on the shoulder to file down the bone spur. Physical therapy it is.

So back to the physical therapy - my first visit went well. She throught I was pretty limber and had good posture except that my shoulders came forward a bit - she said this was common because otherwise my "girls" would stick out more and everyone tends to downplay that. I did some stretches and some exercises and felt pretty good. Until she got me on the table to stretch the muscle for me. She poked her finger in one spot on my shoulder and I thought I would leap to my feet in one movement. "You're a little tight there" she said. "Ya think?" She said it was because that muscle was overcompensating and doing things the OTHER muscles and tendons should be doing, but that may have been painful.

So, in other words. My shoulder hurt, but it would have been hurting worse had I been keeping my posture correct and using the shoulder the way it should have been used. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

Control

When I was a child, we had three channels - ABC, CBS, and NBC - and only one came in really well. There was no cable. There was only an antenna that my dad had hooked up to a rotor that allowed him to turn it from the comfort of the living room. As long as there weren't any storms, you didn't have to tweak the rotor too frequently. And as far as channel surfing went, that only happened when one of us kids were in the room.

Yes early romote controls were your children. I was guilty occasionally also. The TVs I had when my kids were little had knobs also. And the kids would argue to change the channel. "I can do it!" "No, it's my turn!" They turned the channels a little fast so I didn't ask them to do it too often - I was afraid the knob would break.

Then the remote control was invented. It made changing channels way too easy -- just ask anyone who has had to sit next to a person who can surf at the speed of light. My current remote is very intimidating. And since it controls more than just the TV you have to be careful. And, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I fully understand how to work it yet. But I can do the things that I typically need to do.

Someday my grandchildren will be on my knee and saying "No way Grammy, you had to walk over to the TV to change the channels?" And then I'll launch into the story about walking to school, uphill, for a few miles in the snow every day.

Food Favs

Did you ever have a food that was just a "fav of the moment"? Right now mine is tuna salad sandwiches. I've always liked tuna - but I like it better grilled. But lately I've had a hankering for tuna salad sandwiches that won't go away.

I guess you could call it a craving. Typically cravings are associted with pregnancy - but I have them when my body is trying to tell me something. In pregnancy when my blood sugar would drop way low, all I could think about eating was pancakes with maple syrup or glazed donuts. This was, of course, before I realized that there were better ways to up the blood sugar.

Now I have granny cravings - if the digestive system is "backed up" I crave ice cream - a sure-fire way to move things through my quirky digestive system. If I've had a particular tiring week, I seem to crave meat. Every once in a while (though not often) I crave something salty -- who knows why. Breads and pastas are my "I need taken care of" food. And, of course, when I'm feeling particularly bored and listless, I want chocolate.

But the tuna sandwiches have me baffled.

Marathons

Sunday is marathon day. Not races - but television marathons. I've spent many a Sunday vegging in front of the television with various marathons. My list of past marathons include: MASH, Murder She Wrote, CSI (one, two, and three), Law and Order (one, two, and three), Monk, and so on and so on.

Even if it's a show I've already seen. Even if it's a show I don't particularly like. Even if I have other things that I need to be doing. There is something about a marathon that sucks you in and holds you.

But on the upside - it's quality time with the dog.

Summer

Summer is now here. I know it because it's muggy and I'm sweating. I like summer well enough - but I hate to sweat. And that makes it almost impossible to do anything in the summer. Moving makes me sweat.

And if it's not enough that moving makes me sweat, any amount of heat makes me have hot flashes. So now, if I get hot, it brings on a hot flash that has me sweating even when I have the AC cranked up.

So, I'll hibernate in my house until fall. Which is sort of opposite what everyone else does. Hmmm.

Humming

I've been humming a lot lately. I have been humming all morning today. No, it's not because it's Friday and I'm leaving early today - it's just a phase I guess.

But I have found that there is a direct correlation between my humming and my happiness. I find that when I'm humming, it's impossible to be anything but happy. Now, I couldn't swear that the humming causes happiness - in fact it could be the other way around - but I think it does in my case.

If I start humming my attitude improves. Before long I'm smiling. For no reason other than it's difficult for me to be gloomy when I'm humming.

I don't think I can scientifically quantify this or anything. But it's good to know. I can now, when faced with a mood that is less than pleasant, begin humming. It may not be permanent, but every little smile helps.

Aging

I was waiting to cross the street tonight and saw a lady in her car at the light. She was 50 ish trying to look 15 ish. You know the type - clothes too young, hairstyle and hair color a little too out there, fake tan accentuating wrinkles, etc.

I wonder if people who do rage against the advancing years know that they really are drawing attention to it. And I wonder how look to others. Do I look like I'm trying to look younger . . . or older? Do I look like I'm out of step with my generation? Do I just look as I should?

I like who I am - at every age I've been. I'm one of those odd ducks who doesn't mind birthdays or getting older. I have no problem telling people how old I am - well, that's not entirely true. I have a problem remembering how old I am sometimes and have to stop and count - but once I figure it out, I have no problem discussing it.

What I do have a problem with is my hands. Somewhere along the way I have picked up an old woman's hands. The skin is crepe-like and there are more lines and wrinkles than I remember. I looked down at my hands the other day and I wondered where they came from. Whose hands were these? I don't remember them being this way when I last looked. I haven't decided yet whether or not I like these new hands. I'm waffling. But since they are mine I'm sure they'll grow on me . . . so to speak.

Kites

It's windy today. Perfect weather I suppose for flying kites. I say that because I really don't know what is good kite weather since I have never managed to get one aloft.

They are a child's toy, right? Easy as pie, wrong! Its not like a yo-yo that, if wound tight enough and thrown down toward the floor, will come come back up - at least once. (Hmm . . wound tight and thrown toward the floor -- story of my life.)

Anyway, I've tried to fly a kite on a couple different occasions - usually when we bought one for one of the kids and needed to get it up to make it a fun gift. Thank goodness my ex was better with things like this because it was quite the dreary plaything in my hands.

But I've seen kites in the air. While they don't look fun, they do look relaxing. (I guess it's like fishing for the people who see it as an activity that requires floating around on a boat and drinking beer.) Maybe some day I'll try it again - or maybe I'll just watch.

Library . . revisited

I'm still going to the library next door over my lunch break. And I'm still not telling anyone at work where I'm going - but in all fairness, they don't ask. I just say "I'm going out for a while" and I get a nod in return. I love the indulgence of "playing hooky" from work. I love the amount of reading I'm getting done. I love abandoning the office and my co-workers for a brief time.

But today I felt restless in the library and was not sure why. But all afternoon I kept looking out my window at work and I realized, that the library, though it has a skylight that lets in the light, doesn't have windows and I was yearing for the beautiful spring vistas. It's too chilly to be out too long without a jacket (which, for some odd reason, I stopped wearing to work) and it's too windy to be able to go back to work looking somewhat "put together." So I don't go out.

I think, however, when the weather changes just a bit more I will stop my library treks for a time and start walking the city. After all, summer heat will eventually come and I'll again want the air-conditioned refuge of the library then.

Overwhelming Smells

I walked into the library today at the same tme as a gentleman - and I nearly bassed out in the lobby from the overwelming smell of his cologne. Not that it was a bad smell - just way too much of it. I spent about 45 minutes in the library and when I exited through the lobby the smell was still strong. What makes some people put on so much of a scent that it chokes all the air from the surrounding atmosphere?

I know that women do it too - but I, for some reason, encounter more men who have bathed in their scent than I do women. Or maybe it's just that the men's scent's are not as pleasant to me and so I mind them more.

I've had people tell me that their nose becomes immune to it and so they overdo it just to be sure they have it on - but if that is "common knowledge" then why do people still do it. Don't they know that just a dab is just fine -- even if they can't smell it?

The only thing worse than people who wear too much cologne are the people who gag and choke in an exaggerated way when someone with too much cologne enters the room. Come on, it's strong, but it's not poisonous. I'm sure there are a few who have allergies that it does affect that way (it happens to me with cigareet smoke) - but most of the people putting on this show are doing simply that, putting on a show. A show for which I have no patience.

So in the spirit of "just getting along" we should stop bathing in cologne and stop overreacting when others do wear too much. After all, it could be worse - it could be body odor.

Singin' in the Rain

It's raining outside - a lot - and I'm spending my evening watching Singin' in the Rain - an all time favorite movie of mine. Watching Gene Kelly dance through the puddles is a classic scene that I'm sure everyone has seen. They don't make many movies like that anymore. The closest thing in recent times has been Mamma Mia. I like movies that have singing, dancing, and fun.

However, I must be completely honest - my favorite song is not Singin' in the Rain - but Good Morning. You know. "Good Morning, Good Morning, We talked the whole night through. Good Morning, Good Morning to you."

Well, back to the movie

Reading While Driving

I have stopped listening to the radio while I commute to work. It's not that I don't enjoy the morning talk shows - I do. And it's not that I don't like keeping informed of politics and the world - I do. But the commute was getting old. So while I was at the library the other day, I picked up a book on CD that had been recommended to me. It was more of a novella - quite short in book CD standards, only 3 disks. I thought that if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have wasted too much time.

I thought it would be distracting to concentrate on a book while I was driving, but it wasn't. I found it really enjoyable. I even found myself staying in my car a few minutes after I parked in the garage so that I could finish the section I was on. I finished that book and am halfway through another (a full size one this time.)

But I won't give up on my books - the books on CD have one flaw that will keep me from turning to them exclusively - they don't let me imagine. The person reading uses different voices for each character - and it may not be how I would have imagined them. The pace, emphasis and tone are also set by the reader - and, again, not necessarily how I would have imagined it. It's more like television than a book - all the work is done for me and I just have to take it in.

So, listening to books will never take the place of reading for me - but it will definitely let me experience more books than I typically have time for. And that's a good thing.

Sweaters

We don't wear sweaters anymore. Why is that? I don't mean the wool things that we struggle into all winter long, I mean cardigan sweaters. You know, like Mr. Rogers. We don't wear those sweaters anymore.

When I was young, if you got chilly you just put on a sweater. Everyone had sweaters - or several. Sweaters are also good for storing tissues - my mom always had one stuffed up the sleeve of her sweater. But I digress. These days, if we get chilly we reach for a hoodie or some other type of jacket. Sometimes we will reach for another type of long-sleeved pullover. We layer. And, of course, there are the the new blankets with sleeves that are the newest rage. We just don't reach for a cardigan.

Well, except me. I have two sweaters. I still put on a jacket sometimes when I'm chilly, or a sweatshirt, but I also put on a sweater. But maybe thats just me.

Romance

I watched a romantic movie last night and it occurred to me that, while I truly enjoy watching these movies, Hollywood's idea of what romance is differs a lot from mine - and maybe from what is everyone's understanding of true romance.

In the movies (and to be fair, books also) two people who meet and are destined to fall in love never seem to like each other at first - often truly despise each other. Well, not always despise - but there is always something problematic about the two of them getting together. It's only over forced time together through something shared that "their true feelings" appear.

The fantasy is also that there is such a thing as one true love or soulmate. That there is only one person in the world that you could be happily married to and without them you are destined for a life alone and lonely. I think the number of people who lose a spouse and go on to find love again should convince you that this is not accurate. You are capable of loving many people throughout your life - no two in exactly the same way, but not necessarily without the same intensity and committment. I do, however, think it may be difficult to find two people that you can connect with enough to consider your soulmate - but it's not impossible.

But, what most people do isn't like fireworks and lighting striking when you meet a person. It's more that you become each other's soulmates through time, attention, and work. The movies don't show you this. We're led to believe that everything is instantaneous. It's not. Attraction may be instantaneous - but love and soulmates aren't. It's a process - often a long process. I have met people who are elderly and feel that their partner is indeed their soulmate. But if you really talk to them, you'll find that there were times that they really didn't even like their partner. But over time and perseverance, love and respect grow. Suddenly this person that you love - but often wondered how you could ever live with - becomes your soulmate. The other half of yourself.

But, I suppose a movie like that wouldn't sell as well.

Meds

My family doctor put me on a new medication the other day and it definitely has a few side effects. The first is good - I sleep. I sleep really well - no waking up every time I roll over, no lying in bed for twenty minutes fidgeting before going to sleep. I fall asleep almost immediately and I stay asleep.

The other side effect is neither good or bad. It's that I dream. I really dream! Weird, strange, elaborate, complicated and rememberable dreams. Not scarey, just the kind you wake up from and immediately think - Wow! Wonder what that meant. I remember them when I wake up, but as with any useless knowledge that I have no reason to retain - I forget it within ten minutes of waking up. After all, there is limited space in the memory banks and one has to prioritize. Dreams are way down on the list of important things to remember.

But it occurred to me. It's just another sign of getting older - when your meds balance each other out. One med I take makes me fidget a bit (mostly at bedtime) and so shutting down at the end of the day was difficult. And now the next med removes that - in addition to, I hope, doing what it was originally intended to do. I've been lucky that way - I seem to get side effects that are non-dangerous . . . even welcome. This latest med is probably a temporary one (months or years temporary, not days or weeks)so I may go back to my old sleep habits - but until then . . .

Bribes

When a student brings you a treat, is it considered a bribe or just a throwback to the days of "an apple for the teacher"?

I have one student who has, since the the vending machine lost my money on the first night, brought me peanut M&Ms each class. This is very welcome since it would otherwise be about 8:30 pm before I would get to eat anything. (I did try the vending machine again, but it ate my money again, so I gave up.)

Now tonight I had a different student bring me two tangerines . . . and 2 napkins. And I began to wonder. Are they expecting preferential treatment when it comes to end-of-semester grading? Can I be bought by candy and fruit?

Hmm . . . I guess I will have to wait until I prepare the final grades to see if I'm "nicer" to borderline grades of students who were "nicer" to me.

:-)

Menus

I have a problem with menus. It's so hard to decide what to order. This is not because I don't like anything. It's because I typically like everything. And I like to eat.

I have a dinner meeting once a month. It's always at the same restaurant (it has nice meeting space) and I've come to know the regular menu well - only the specials surprise me. At first I used to try different things - but now I tend to just order the same thing. I think I've tried 4 different menu items.

So when the waiter comes to the table (yes we have the same one every month) he only has to ask me if I want the haddock dinner or the haddock sandwich. I've become predictable.

On the up side, its become much quicker to order.

Sigh

Another weekend is over and I'm going back to work to rest.

No, I didn't get a lot accomplished this weekend. I got nothing accomplished. I start the week with only one thing crossed off my weekend to-do list.

I was babysitting this weekend. And I am so glad that I'm a Grammy and not a parent to a tiny one. Whew. Did I used to do all that - and with two??? I guess we have children when we are young because you have to be. Something as intensive as 24/7 parenting either needs youth or a nanny.

But I do feel a little proud and satisfied that I did it. I didn't really doubt I could, but I have to admit I wondered how I'd do. And except for a full to-do list, I think the weekend went well.

But thank goodness it's over and I can go back to work to rest up.

Swim Caps

Whatever happened to swim caps? When I was young no self respecting woman/girl would go into the water without protecting their hair in a colorful (and typically ugly) swim cap. Now the only people who wear them are competition swimmers.

But why did we wear them? And yes, that means I wore them also. I seem to recall a bright yellow one that I wore. And the caps back then aren't anything like the caps of today. They were thick rubbery plastic. I remember them never fitting perfect - so the hair around the edge was always damp.

Did we once think that they were attractive - or maybe it was that it was keeping hair perfectly styled was more important than fashion. Whatever the reason, they were once the only way to swim and now they are nonexistent.

I don't miss them.

Babysitting

Ok, I just finished day one of my long weekend of babysitting. And except for the fact that I'm ready for bed and it's not even 9:00 yet, I think I did pretty well.

We took a long walk, a long nap, and played a lot. He's really very laid back and quite easy to take care of. What I really don't understand is the bottles. Sterilizing, which nipple goes with the bedtime cereal bottle, what size bottle is for what time of day. Craziness - why doesn't everyone just breastfeed. It's truly the lazy mother's way - which is one reason (the biggest) I did it.

But I have realized that in my advanced years I'm suited perfectly to be a Grammy - because I can give them back.

French Fries

Today I walked outside my office building and was immediately assaulted by the smell of french fries. I think it's true that smells can trigger thoughts and memories, because my brain immediately went to a happy place.

I have never met anyone who didn't like french fries. It's one of the early foods we eat - simply by virtue of it being easy for little hands to hold - and I think we develop the taste then. But all french fries are not created equal. I'm not a big fan of the spicy fries. I don't like overly salted fries. I prefer thicker fries to thinner fries (although thin ones have a time and place.) I don't need them to be curley. And everyone has their favorites. While I can do without the fries at one "royal" fast food establishment - others swear by them. The "arched" fast food establishment's fries are often too salty for me - but that's what others love about them. And another place has fries that tend to wilt - is there anyone who likes that?

My favorite place to have fries is at a Little League concession stand. They use the large fries - deep fry them in peanut oil until they are crisp on the outside and soft on the inside (typically because they are freshly made), and you can add your own salt. Heaven. Unfortunately, I don't often hit up Little League games these days - but it's a thought.

Oh, and typically I'm a 'no ketchup' person. If the fry is good - it's not needed.

Fog

This morning was foggy. Really foggy. I looked out my bathroom window ths morning and couldn't see the back of my yard. I watched the news to get the weather report. They have a camera that is on top of their building that they show in the background during weather reports. It was fuzzy and white. The only thing that I could see were a couple street lights - everything else was obliterated.

Fog is so amazing because it is literally a cloud on the ground. Going out my door I was walkiing into a cloud. That is so cool . . . in a sort of geeky way.

I went in to work a bit late after a doctor appointment, and at 9:30 am it was still thick. Then after I topped the second mountain the world opened to view and it was sunny and clear - just that quick.

So, the cloud was in one county, but not the other. Just another strange morning in my life.

Yesterday's Post

I've been thinking about yesterday's post. My time in the library during my lunch break was so great that I repeated it today. I almost felt naughty - like I was playing hooky or something. But it felt good too.

But I've been thinking about why it is that I feel so comfortable when surrounded by books. Why a book in my hand feels as though it belongs there (well, except paperbacks - they just feel weird, but I adapt.) Why an afternoon with a book feels like time well spent.

I was raised with a mother reading to me. I was raised watching my mother read. But I wasn't pushed to read. But I found an escape in the chapters of a novel that I didn't have anywhere else. When I read I become the characters. If they are scared, my heart races. If they are sad, I cry. If they are humiliated, I blush.

I've kept books - even ones that I wasn't overly fond of - because I dream of a room in a house someday that is filled with books. Surrounded by verbal depictions of all the adventures I've experienced and all the literary people I have met. Books fill the hole in me that nothing else does - and so I've held them close in a completely OCD way. But I'm ready to start saying goodbye to some of my old friends. At least the ones that were given to me and hold no sentimental value.

And, to compensate, I can walk next door to the library and feel enveloped in books.

Feeding the Soul

Today, instead of eating my lunch at lunchtime, I walked to the library. It's not a long walk - it's the building next door. But I've been wanting to go since we moved in.

I was amazed at how large it was inside, I easly got lost. Finding my way up to the 2nd floor - where the fiction was - I aimlessly wandered the alphabet looking at the spines of the book. Finally I randomly selected one from an author I'd never heard of and sat down in a upholstered chair to read. I made it through 6 chapters during what was left of my hour lunch. Then I put the book back in it's place on the shelf, and walked back to my office.

It was heaven! I often read during my lunch, but I'm constantly interruped by the phone (if you're here, they'll transfer a call to you - lunchtime or not.) So having the peace and quiet of the library for lunch was a plus. I think I'll do the same tomorrow. But I won't have to ramdomly look for a book, I think I'll continue on with the one I started.

Oh, and I still ate. I had a sandwich at my desk afterward while I was working. Priorities you know.

Family

I'm a big believer in family closeness. Well, not too close - everyone needs their space. But I strongly feel that family is there for each other.

I have a sister who will let me lean on her shoulder any time I want. Another who will listen to me for a long time. I have a daughter who worries about me and a son who can make me laugh when I'm feeling low. And this is how it should be.

My family know I'll be there if they need me. My co-workers didn't understand when I took off to go to the funeral of my sister's mother-in-law. They didn't understand, but i knew that my sister needed someone there for her. My daughter used to say that she didn't have to worry about her life because I was worrying enough for both of us.

But that's who I am. And I think I raised my kids to be there for each other. And a nice bonus is I think they care deeply for me. Cool.

Babies

Today I got to spend some time with my grandson and remembered what it is I like best about babies. I like holding them just as they are trying (or trying not to) fall asleep.

He didn't want to take a nap so I picked him up and held him and did that swaying body thing that all mothers instinctively know how to do. He fussed and cried and rubbed his face against my chest. He fussed and fussed, but couldn't manage to pick his head up. I hummed and swayed until he finally gave in to sleep.

This was what I liked best about being a mother too. I liked comforting babies. I never minded their tears or screams, I just wanted to hold them and walk or rock or sway and sing or hum to them. It was relaxing to me.

Now before you think I'm some kind of sadist (or saint) - I did have my breaking point (with both my children - but at different ages) and there were times when I just had to walk away and calm myself. Once I even walked downstairs and stood in the living room and screamed. I felt so much better afterward.

But I have come to believe that I like calming babies, because it calms me too. Something about that swaying and humming. Maybe I should try doing it without the babies.

Friday List

Since it's Friday I once again took part in one of my regular Friday riturals - I make a weekend "to do" list.

I don't start it until Friday, but sometimes I think about it earlier in the week. Mostly to wish silently to myself that I don't think of it and start the list too early in the day. The amount of tasks that end up on the list is directly correlated to how early in the day I begin it. Honest. A list that begins late in the afternoon is always much shorter.

Today's list only has about seven items on it. Now, some of them are large jobs - but only seven items. Cool

Now, with that said, I will honestly say that there is a very good chance that I won't complete the "to do" list. Even with only a few items on it, it doesn't matter. I don't think I have ever completed a list. I try, but there is always at least one thing left. Often more than one thing because as the weekend progresses I think of things to add to it.

I know I should not make lists - why set myself up for failure? But if I don't write them down, I'll spend the weekend trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

So, it's one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't scenarios. Sigh.

Deflated

Today was one of those days that really did me in.

I was tired in the afternoon (for no real reason.) By the time I was driving home I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. And by the time I got home I felt completely deflated. There is no other word to describe it - I felt I had nothing in me at all.

But this never happens when I have the evening free - last night was my book club. So I cuddled with my dog for a bit, drank some OJ (my idea of an energy drink) and drug myself the 4 blocks to the Library.

I managed to briefly pep myself up and get through the meeting, but by the time I got home I was ready to just crawl in bed. I managed to eat a little - but then Winnie and I crawled into bed for some mindless TV until the eyes closed.

I don't mind feeling this way when I have a reason - especially hard day, lack of sleep the night before, etc - but when there is no rhyme or reason, it's just annoying. Although Winnie didn't seem to mind a bit.

Chocolate Pudding

Do you have a guilty pleasure? Something that you allow yourself to have way too frequently? Mine right now is probably chocolate pudding. It has been chocolate pudding off and on throughout the past, but all winter it's been top on my list. I buy a couple tubs of it a month. I try to make it last a long time, but it's usually gone by the end of the weekend. It's just too good.

It's sweet, rich, creamy, and of course, chocolatey (always a plus.) And, to borrow from another dessert treat, there's always room for it. Well, at least for me there is.

A coworker said that to make the guilty pleasure a little less guilty I should buy the instant, sugar free pudding. I will, but only to feel less guilty. Its just not as good. It is still sweet, creamy, and chocolatey - but the richness is gone. That rich texture on your tongue is one of the best parts. It seems a shame to miss out on it for the sake of a few calories.

Maybe I can work this to my advantage and be the Grammy that always has the good chocolate pudding in the fridge. I'm sure I can learn to share.

Purses

I bought a purse last weekend. Now that's not really unusual, except when I tell you that it's a green purse. Sort of a light moss color - really pretty.

I'm the type of person who likes to buy basic things and use them a lot. In the winter I carry black purses. Black goes with everything and there is no worry that it won't match. In the summer I either continue to carry my black purse or I switch it out for a tan or woven purse. So I went into the Coach store over the weekend (I'm so picky, that I've begun going straight to Coach - if I'm going to spend a lot I'm at least going to like it) and saw a purse in a size and style that I liked. It was available in tan and green. I told myself that I picked the green because the tan was too light and would get dirty too quickly. But I really just wanted the green. (There was another purse that was pink and green that I REALLY wanted, but it was new and really expensive. I'll wait until it goes down at the end of the season and see if I still want it.)

I carried the purse around with me for a bit while I looked through the rest of the store. After all, you can't buy the first purse you pick up, right? But nothing else was right. Not the right size. Not the right strap. Not the right shape. Not the right design. Not the right price. The green purse was perfect. So I bought it.

Now I had a coupon (I'm on their mailing list) and it was on sale, but it was still about $25-$40 more than if I'd gone to a mall department store and bought something that I wouldn't like as well and wouldn't last as well. But, in my increasing years I've decided that I'm worth it.

More on the Weather

Ok, decision made. I'm turning on the air conditioning. I wanted to wait, but after a visit to my allergy doctor today - where I got scolded for having windows open when the tree pollen count was in the 600's.

Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. My doctor reminded me that nothing has changed since last year and the year before and my itchy eyes and congestion today is a direct result of the pollen I let into my world over the weekend.

So I guess there will be no more open car windows for me. From now on I won't leave the door open when I come home in the evening. And I will be limiting the duration of my time outdoors. Sigh.

Weather

It's that strange time of year when you don't know whether to turn the heat or the air conditioning on. If I turn the heat off, it's still not quite cool enough, but if I turn the air on, it's too cool. Or its comfortable with just their heat off during the day, but it gets too chilly at night.

What I typically do is turn it off and on and then off again and then on again. I kow that's probably the most energy efficient way to handle this time of year, but I don't know what else to do.

In an attempt to not change it up and down too frequently, I turn on the ceiling fan that is in the bedroom. It helps to keep me cool without constantly tampering with the thermostat, but unfortunately Winnie (my teacut Chihuahua) hates it. To be honest, she hates anything that makes her the slightest bit chilly. So when she starts scratching at my neck I know she's too cool and I cover her with a little blanket. She keeps her head sticking out, but the blanket keeps the breeze off her.

Ah, life is sometimes too complicated.

Springtime

Today I spent a few hours outside and enjoyed it tremendously . . . until I came back in. The head started aching and the sinuses were filling up. Spring is not an easy time for me. It's so difficult to want to be out enjoying the weather but knowing that I will suffer for it later.

When I was growing up on a farm I would wake up in the morning with a nice breeze blowing and, of course, my nose rebelling in dozens of sneezes. I felt I'd been reborn when I moved into the city and finally had air conditioning that allowed me to keep the windows closed. It was a tradeoff, but it made my life easier.

But I became a bit of a hermit - keeping indoors more and more. I think that is why I like windows so much - I get to stay somewhat connected to the outdoors and preserve my sinuses.

People Watching

I took myself out to lunch today. I asked to sit by the window (because it had better light and I was going to read until the food came) but I ended up people watching.

My favorite "character" was an elderly man in a wheelchair. He was wearing a little golf cap positioned jauntily off to the side, large yellow sunglasses, and he wistled. The sunglasses caught my eye first - they had to be women's (who else would wear canary yellow sunglasses) but he wore them with style.

Second was the young man carrying a skateboard. He was wearing a knit cap (even though its warm out) and he was wearing skinny jeans that were belted tight underneath his butt. I understand the under-you-butt-to-show-your-underware look, but I've never seen it with skinny jeans. It just looked completely wrong and took some getting used to.

Then came the little girl and (probably) her father. She looked 8-10 years old. He talked to her (gotta give him credit for trying) and all she did was roll her eyes and pick at several iron-on tatoos that covered her arms. I wanted to shake her and tell her to give him a chance, but . . . alas . . . I was on the other side of the glass.

The final characters came as I walked back to the office. It was a mother and daughter who could have passed for twins - only in a "mini me" sort of way. They were both short, overweight, with long frizzy hair parted in the middle. They were dressed alike and had on similar sunglasses. Each were drinking from a cup with a straw. They didn't communicate or even look at each other, but coming down the street it was definitely a sight.

Maybe I'll leave the book at home the next time I take myself to lunch.

Thursday

Today is Thursday. All in all a good day because you can see the end of the week and it's close enough to touch.

But this is the second Thursday I've had this week. For some reason I woke up yesterday knowing it was Thursday. I went through most of the morning feeling that way until someone in my office burst my bubble. Even though I knew it wasn't - I couldn't shake the feeling that it really was Thursday. (Do you ever get like that?)

At first I was bummed. But then I realized that it has made this week a little easier. Wednesday is never good - too far from the last weekend and still not close enough to reach out to the coming weekend. It's a dreary day. But I didn't have that yesterday. Although I learned that it was Wednesday, I still felt Thursdayish. Cool.

Little Things

Sometimes all you have to appreciate in a day are little things. But that's okay. I'm okay with little things. I was raised to be content. Now, before anyone shouts "Whoa girlie, wait just a minute", I will admit that I'm also a whiner. But bottom line is I don't expect much.

Today I got to work early enough that I could make a slight detour and check out this bakery that is only one block away from my office. While I expected aromatic artisan breads, I was delighted to learn they also had breakfast sandwiches, lunch soup and sandwiches, and an array of completely indulgent looking deserts (including canoli.) They were slow in making my breakfast sandwich (small establishments are not typically quick), but it was definitely worth the wait. As I waited, the person working the front busied himself with inserting long baguettes into paper sleeves and arranging them in a huge vase-like container on the front counter. Only $2.50. (Note to self - stop by at lunch one day and pick up one to take home.) Anyway, back to the sandwich. I'll have to remind myself to ask them to only use half the amount of egg for the next sandwich - it was so thick with egg that it kept falling apart. But completely delicious! All for about what I would have spent at the 'arches' for a breakfast sandwich.

And if that serendipitous discovery wasn't enough for the day, I found a parking place right in front of my house when I got home. My day was complete - what more could I ask for?

Until tomorrow.

Quick Trip to the Grocery Store

I stopped at the grocery store last night on my way home to buy ant traps (yes, it's that time of year again.) But there is something Twilight Zoneish about the grocery store for me because I go in thinking I only need one or two things and end up with a cartful. Last night I spent $25 - not too bad.

I know other people have issues with other stores (my daughter's is Target) but for me it's the grocery store. I just can't go in and get one thing. I suppose that would be a credit to someone's design layout or marketing plan or something. I've heard that there are specialists who plan every detail in how to get you in, how to get you to the back of the store, and how to make you pass everything tempting to get back out again.

I worked at a department store one time that I continually got lost in. I just couldn't get through the store easily. I asked the Operations Manager one time about it. He laughed. He said that Corporate paid big money to make sure that people saw every part of the store before leaving and that there was no quick way out. I wonder what that person's job title is? Manager of Store Mazes. Director of Labyrinths. Vice President of Quagmire.

It never ceases to amaze me how easily we can be manipulated.

Rain, Rain Go Away

We used to sing a little song when I was a child asking the rain to come back another day. Now, I don't mind so much. Don't get me wrong, I don't like driving in it. I don't like it when my basement leaks. And I don't like getting wet on my way to and from my car. But I don't mind the rain.

I like rainy nights for sleeping. I like hearing the rain tapping on my windows. I like watching the rain through my office window. I especially like watching people get wet as they walk the promenade (through my office window.) I really like watching storms - it's better that "must see TV". Something akin to the people who watch fish tanks I suppose.

What part of growing up changes you from not liking rain to not minding, or even enjoying, it? Maybe when we stop going out to play daily. Maybe when work takes up most of our lives. No, that can't be it. I remember as a young mother hating to see the rain because that meant my son would be drenched by the time he got to school - he felt the need to jump into every puddle. And huddling everyone around one umbrella (because the kids surely couldn't be trusted with one of their own) meant my butt was going to be in the rain. And listening to children whine about why they couldn't go outside was shere torture. So the dislike for rainy days carried into adulthood.

So, when did I start liking rainy days?

Children by Marriage

I think I've realized one of the reasons I love my children-in-law (and the reason some mothers probably dislike their children-in-law.) I am no longer the first person my children run to - in good times and bad. They now turn to their spouse. These spouses have releived me of a burden - not a bad burden or a burden that I didn't carry willingly, but definitely a time-consuming one.

I know that there are some things that both my daughter and son still come to me for - and for that I'm blessed, but they now have a partner to help them guide through life. I don't know my son's marriage as well as I do my daughter's (son's aren't as chatty.) But in my daughter's case, she picked perfectly - and by that I mean she chose someone who had strengths that she was lacking and who needed the strengths she brought to the marriage. I'm a big believer that, while in many ways you should be alike or very similar, opposites defintely can help grow a relationship if you are wise enough to let them lead you in the areas they are strong.

I like my new role as mother. It's not nearly as daily or hands-on, but still feel needed. Sometimes my role is just that of listener. Sometimes it's a role of helper. Whatever it is, I'm grateful. I enjoy being needed, but my days of helping them through their daily activities is over. As it should be.

Thanks to my children-in-law.

Clean House

I cleaned house today. I've been putting it off for a few weeks because the weekends just always had so many things planned into them that I just didn't want to add one more. But I decided yesterday that I was going to get up and start cleaning before I did anything else.

My good intentions were somewhat waylayed by a poor night of sleep followed by sleeping in. But by 10:00 am I was awake, fed, and ready to start. I cleaned until 2:00 pm and quit. I had one or two things left to do, but I was tired and hungry.

There is something about cleaning that feels good. It's so obvious when you finish that you accomplished something. It's a good feeling. Unfortunately, the good feeling lasts a day or two and then everything is covered with dust again and the little items of day to day life are strewn about in organized piles of clutter.

But, for a day or two anyway, I'm going to enjoy the decluttered home.

Friday

Sometimes all you have to look forward to in a week is Friday. You wake up almost giddy knowing that it's the last work day of the week. There is almost nothing that can happen on Friday that will ruin the mood - and trust me, things happen on Friday a lot.

Sometimes I can't hold in the excitement and I take myself out to lunch on Friday. But that typically doesn't work out to be as fun as I want it to be. Today my bread was a little stale. I went to Subway, but didn't leave for lunch until almost 1:30 pm. I guess the bread is made in preparation of the lunch crowd and if you wait until 1:30 to eat - what can you expect?

Driving home on a Friday is a killer. I think the DC workers must stay in the city during the week and all drive home on Friday. Even getting on the highway is difficult. Sometimes I'll wait in line for quite a while as one care at a time in front of me squeeze into the highway. But, again, it's hard too bothered by it because it's Friday.

The problem with Friday is that it heightens expectations. It's really hard for any weekend to live up to a Friday "high."

Clothes Make the Woman

Sometimes when you dress in the morning, everything is right. This morning was one such morning.

I bought some new clothes a few weeks ago. One shirt was a bit bright and very stylish. I saw it on the hanger and thought it was okay. I knew the colors would work with pants I already had. I tried it on and liked the way it fit. It looked much better on me than it had on the hanger.

This morning I wore it for the first time. The longer I had it on the more I was impressed with it. The fabric was very soft. The fit was wonderful. I felt like I looked good in it. I felt good.

It's not often that clothes can make such an impression. Most of the time, clothes are just clothes. Today my clothes made my day. I like it when that happens.

Morning vs Night

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Everyone asks that. And you are supposed to answer. You are supposed to know. What if you don't know? Why is it that you can't be both?

I am sort of both. Let me explain. I hate to wake up and if I close my eyes for a second, I can be back asleep for an hour or more. Once I'm up and showered, however, I'm alert, energetic, and ready to take on the world. For a while. Then I want a nap. My mind starts to drift, the eyelids start to feel heavy, the energy wanes, and I'm ready to become horizontal. Driving home is a chore. Once home I hear the sofa calling to me.

But . . . once I get the second wind, I'm good to go. When I know that I should be getting ready for bed, my mind is ready to go. I can get a lot done in that period of energy and alertness. And then I toss and turn and fidget in bed trying to turn my brain off.

So, am I a morning person or a night person? And does it matter?

Evaluations

I really dislike workplace evaluations. I hate getting them and I hate giving them. I think they are pointless. I would prefer, that if I do something good or something incredibly dumb, my boss point these things out to me and give guidance on how to move on AT THE TIME THEY ARE HAPPENING. This, in my humble opinion, is more constructive. In all fairness, he does say "good job" if I perform some miraculous accomplishment, but he saves the bad until it's time to decide whether or not I get a raise. This is wrong on two levels. First it makes me dread my yearly evaluation like a death row inmate waiting for the needle. It's never good. Second, on the off chance that I didn't know I screwed up, it keeps me in that incorrect mode for several months before telling me to change. I've come to the conclusion that evaluations are often simply a way to justify not paying us what we believe we should be paid. But lets not go there.

So, my yearly evaluation for 2009 hasn't been done yet. Typically it's done in December in preparation for March raises, but this year has been extra busy (moving the office and all). It actually should be coming any day now but I have decided that I'd rather skip it. What is the point? Why the elaborate production to justify not giving me a raise (or giving me a less-than-cost-of-living raise) when I already know none of us are getting a raise this year? I'm not bitter about this. I'm thankful to have a job. I know what times are like and I'm not so egocentric that I can't see the bigger picture in our organization. But why waste my time and submit to ego-shattering criticism for no reason. I already know what I've done wrong this year (I'm my worst critic) and I know I'm not getting a raise. So, lets skip the song and dance and just work on next year.

Loved

I know I am loved. I have amazing kids and kids-in-law and grandkids. But I think my dog loves me best - or maybe that's just what she wants me to believe.

She had dental surgery on Friday and wasn't feeling her normal self this weekend. And because of her neediness, I found her on top of my constantly. She would crawl behind my neck and lay down. She would climb atop my boobs and lay down. She would snuggle in beside me and bury her head beneath my hand. Nearby just wasn't cutting it - she wanted complete security that only touching me would bring. And so, feeling a little guilty in the knowledge that I was the one who decided on the vet visit that did this to her, I let her have her way.

If only she knew how I was also laughing at her the whole time. One of the teeth she lost was a canine on the upper right. So, in addition to being not as full on that side of her mouth, she can't keep her tongue from the empty space. She would lick her mouth and the tongue would linger an extra measure of time out the right side of her mouth. It is hilarious. She looks at me so intently while she's doing it, as if to say "Mommy, I'm not sure what it is, but something is different." I just tell her she's pretty and give her an extra cuddle.

I'm not telling her it was my idea.

Present in Life

I went for a walk today. I took my little dog out into the sunshine and walked a few blocks. She enjoyed it tremendously. I enjoyed it most of the time. It's hard to enjoy walking with Winnie - because she feels the need to pee every five steps.

But as I strolled along the sidewalk, I noticed something about all the people in cars who passed me. Most weren't really there. Once I saw what was occuring, I started to take note. The passengers in 9 out of 10 vehicles were on the phone. Who was more important to talk to than the people who were in the car with them? The front seat passengers didn't even glance over at each other. The driver stared straight ahead to the road and the passenger stared ahead with a phone attached to their ear.

The only exception were children in the car. They gazed out the window - often smiling at Winnie. They paid attention to what was happening in the world around them. The irony here, is that we accuse the children of having an attention deficit, when we adults aren't happy unless we're multitasking through life.

Maybe I should take a stroll more often.

Margarita

Yesterday, for the first time this year, I left the door open. It was warmer outside than it was inside (with the heat on) and so I opened the door and enjoyed the weather.

Winnie enjoyed it also - but since she is afraid to walk across a floor without a rug, she won't venture in closer. It seems that hardwood floors are scary to tiny dogs.

Maybe it's because the weather has been nice for a few days, but I could use a margarita. Tis the season.

Microchips

Today I got my dog microchipped. She's only 3 1/2 pounds and can't wear a heavy tag on a collar. I was excited about the microchipping, but when I dropped her off this morning and I heard that there was a very large needle involved, I got a little panicy.

Now it's in and I get to go online and register her. So, in the event that she is lost, someone can find me. Which, is $40 well spent, but in all likelihood, won't ever come into play. First, she is either safely in my house or on a leash at all times - usually the former since that nasty hawk incident. Second, if she were to get lost, her tendency when she's scared leans heavily toward hiding and snapping. So, maybe no chance for anyone to scan the chip.

But, all in all, I feel safer. And she isn't complaining.

Ice Cream

There is a Ben & Jerry's ice cream shop in my building. Just down two flights of stairs and a short walk to the west.

After I ate my lunch yesterday, I decided to get a small cone. I went down and introduced myself to my new neighbor and, after a few samples, I decided on a small, chocolate-dipped cone of chocolate fudge ice cream. It was $4.50. No kidding. It was a very small waffle cone that had been dipped (about 1 1/2 inches) into chocolate. That was 75 cents just for the cone dipped in chocolate. So that meant the amount of ice cream that would fit on that cost $3.75. For $3.99 I could get an entire pint at the grocery store and bring it in to the freezer in our office kitchen.

This really bums me because it would be such a nice afternoon treat to walk down the promenade on a sunny day and get a small cone of ice cream. Unfortunately, I can't afford a $3.75 afternoon snack on a regular basis.

Oh, well. Maybe the sushi restaurant beside them will have better prices.

St. Patty's Day

Some things that you learn in childhood stick with you for life.

When I was in grade school, if you didn't wear green on St. Patrick's Day then you got pinched. By everyone. It didn't take long to create the habit of wearing green. When we were in Jr. High we got cute and hid the green. Now people had to look at our socks before they pinched us - just to be sure. When we were in High School, we got cool. No silly green shirts for us - we would wear green earings or a green headband. Subtlety was key. Flashy was for uncool people.

Now that I'm an adult - way into adulthood - I still wear green on St. Patrick's Day. And I'm not worried about anyone pinching me. It's just some habits stick for life.

Bra Shopping

A couple of days ago I went shopping (see earlier post.) My mission was to get some new clothes because mine were wearing thin and I hadn't had time to get anything new. But my ultimate goal was bra shopping. It was way past due and the 2 bras i currently owned were way past their life expectancy and not even looking fit enough to be a rag.

I detest bra shopping. Why? Because I always end up buying something that is just "okay." Nothing is what I want, nothing fits just right, nothing is really comfortable. So I try on several bras and then . . . settle.

Now, part of the problem is my fault - I'm quite a bit overweight. This means that my circumference under my cups is not that much smaller than the circumference at the cups. Now, I'm sure that I'm not alone in the problem, but to go into a bra store you would swear that anyone with my "circumference" must be a double D or E. It's the same when I buy pants. They assume someone with my waist MUST BE 6 feet tall. So, when I found one that fit and was close to what I wanted I bought 2 - and it cleaned out their inventory. Yep, they had 2 in the whole store that met my needs.

One of the other issues is bra style. I've never had a problem with simple cotton bras, and until now have worn only that. The problem with them now is . . . I'm getting older. The girls don't necessary stand at attention (or even a uniform parade rest), well . . . ever. So with a "single-ply" bra, it's often very obvious that one girl is looking north and the other is looking west. It's, to put it mildly, a little embarrassing and requires constant attention. So, for the first time in my life I decided I want something that was "lightly" padded. This way I can let the girls do whatever they want. But it seems that "lightly" padded is only available in cup sizes A and B. Cup size C and above - which are already quite big - only come in thick padding - I could probably stop a bullet with this bra.

So, back to shopping. I saved the bra shopping until last - or should I say put it off as long as possible. Found one bra that fit my basic needs and bought both in stock - and I didn't even ask the price. Then Monday morning I looked forward to putting it on with all the dread of a dentist visit. I knew it wasn't perfect and I knew I'd settled. Then on Monday evening as I was taking it off I realized I hadn't pulled at my straps all day - I hadn't adjusted the bottom band because of ride up - I'd actually been comfortable in my bra all day.

I think I'm going to take the tag to other stores and see if I can get another.

Pre-Ordering

I had to return a book to Borders today. It's not because anything was wrong with the book. It's not because I decided that I didn't want it. It's because I got two.

Borders.com has this wonderful program where you can pre-order a book that you want. It saves you from remembering the release date - when it comes, they'll charge your card and send you the book.

But sadly, at my age, my memory isn't as it used to be. I pre-ordered the book back in November. Than a week ago I saw that a book I'd been wanting had been released and I ordered it. Yep, the same book.

Imagine my surprise when I received two identical packages on the same day. So, I shamefully walked into the nearby Borders store and returned one for a refund.

I used to know what vitamin/herbal was supposed to be good for memory . . . but I forgot.

Time

I'm not sure I like Daylight Savings Time.

It has nothing to do with losing an hour - which is what we did last night - but more to do with technology.

I dislike moving through my life changing the clocks, microwave, televisions, and even my car. Thank goodness the cable box and cell phone do it themselves. You don't realize how many things show you the time.

Hmmm. . . . maybe that's why I rarely wear a watch.

Rain

Today I did something that most people would consider a bit strange. I went shopping in the rain.

What maks t so strange is that I wasn't at the protected, roofed mall. I went to the outlet shopping center. While most of the walkways were covered, the rain didn't seem to care about that vertical protection - it came horizontally.

Why did I do it? Because I had planned to go shopping and I stubbornly refused to change my plans. So, all alone, I weaved back and forth along the sidewalks - drying my glasses regularly - and did as much shopping as I could stand.

But I had fun.

Rainy Day

It's a rainy day today and I can't keep myself from looking out the window at they grey, overcast world around me.

This has proved to be interesting. I have a neighbor that seems to watch sports on a big-screen TV all day long (with the drapes open, of course). I have another neighbor that props open the french door to her small balcony nearly every day (the sheer on her french door blows out the opening and catches my attention). I have another neighbor with no drapes on her french doors who walks around in a towel (probably thinks it would be hard to peek through a 4th floor window). And it appears that one still has their Christmas tree up.

Aren't neighborhood's fun?

Dusting

I brought a duster to work today. Yes, we have housekeeping service that we pay for, but as far as I can tell, our housekeeping consists of someone taking out the trash.

The last few days were sunny enough that I could see the accumulating dust on the windowsill. It ruins the view. I can't see the creek from my window, I have to stand up to do that, but I can see the promenade on the other side of the creek in front of the condos. Today there was a young man sitting on one of the benches playing guitar for quite a while. There are always people waking dogs - today I saw a woman come out of the condos with 2 matching dogs - Shelties I think. I wish I could see our side of the promenade too - that's where the restaurants are and I can hear people at the cafe tables talking and laughing. I live vicariously through them and tell myself I'm going to go down there at lunchtime and enjoy the sunshine too. But so far, I haven't.

Spring is coming. I'll get there yet.

Birds and Children

I saw a bird this morning that was walking around the middle of the road. I was stopped at a light so I had time to watch him.

They're a lot like children. In order to see what things are, they put them in their mouth. If it's not good, it gets dropped, and they move on.

Somewhere along the way we learn that there are other - more astute - ways to evaluate our surroundings. Namely, our other senses.

I guess that babies haven't learned enough to know what the other senses are telling them, so they stick with what they know.

What are bird's excuse?

Low-Hanging Apples

I had a fortune cookie once that said: "Reach for the high apples, you can get the low ones anytime."

How interesting. But most of us - myself included - don't do that too frequently. We like immediate gratification. How much can we check off the 'to do' list. What results can we see now.

Am I settling too much in life? Is this something I need to work on? Am I filling up my time with the "low apples"? What can I strive for that is just a little beyond my reach?

Or is it just one more thing to add to the 'to do' list.

Chocolate

I first tasted milk chocolate when I was 10 years old. I know, that's old, but there were food allergies involved - but that's another post. Until that time I ate Pay Day candy bars - good, but no chocolate.

Since that first taste of chocolate at age 10, I've had a love affair with chocolate. My favorite is chocolate brownies or chocolate cake with no icing. I also love Entemann's chocolate covered donuts and hot chocolate. I can eat peanut M&M's until I'm ill and chocolate covered pretzels are completely addictive.

But all of this was before I tasted dark chocolate. Now if it's worth making it's even better if you make it with dark chocolate. Brownies with dark chocolate are heaven. Ghirardelli makes a wonderful small dark chocolate square that is as satisfying as a whole candy bar . . . dark chocolate Snickers, of course.

Reading

I've told this story to many people, so I thought I'd put it out there for everyone that hasn't heard it.

I love reading. I used to sit next to my mom when I was little while she read me Little Golden Books, but I wasn't in love with books. Until third grade.

When I started third grade I had a small older lady who was my teacher. Except for her size and the grey bun on her head, I don't really remember anything about her. She left within a week or so and I found out later that she died. Our substitute was a young teacher (possibly fresh out of college - that young)named Mr. Thomas. He initiated a new thing into our daily schedule. Once our lunch recess was over, we would rest our flushed-from-recess cheeks in our hands and have quiet time while he read to us. It would only be a chapter or two a day, but it was the highlight of my day.

It started with The Wizard of Oz. I was mesmerized. I was right with them as they traveled the yellow brick road and into the Emerald City. It was then that I learned that I could travel to amazing places within the pages of a book. I was captivated. We finished that book and Tom Sawyer before the year ended. This jump-start was all I needed. I was hooked on books for life.

Thank you Mr. Thomas.

Power Surges

I am so over hot flashes.

They don't come regularly, or unexpectedly, or too frequently. But they come at times that I can't stop. Yes, I can drink less tea or wine - but those are mini ones. The worst hot flashes come when the heat kicks on in my house. I can't imagine the temperature changes drastically, but my body screams in protest.

I turn my heat down when I sleep so the heat won't kick on as much. But as soon as it does, I'm kicking off covers as my body attempts to regulate the overload. I sleep better in the summer when I can turn the air conditioner down to frigid and never feel the heat.

I am so over hot flashes.

Social Networking

I'm continually amazed by the things that people can invent to put more pressure on their lives. Aren't electronics supposed to ease some of burden? I think that much of what we have available to us to "help us keep in touch" actually takes time away from our lives. And if that isn't bad enough, we're keeping in contact with people we may not have wanted to.

Am I on Twitter - yes. Do I use Twitter - no. I'm a pretty private person (except for putting my every weird thought on this blog.) And maybe it's low self esteem, but I cannot imagine anyone wanting to know my constant thoughts in 140 character bursts. I do believe that it has marketing uses and am looking into that for my job, but the real personal need is so that the narcissist can keep everyone up-to-date with their lives.

I feel almost the same about Facebook and Myspace. I'm on Facebook, and I use it mostly to follow business and organizational contacts. I have a few friends who pester me for pics of my grandchildren every now and again - and I oblige them - but I really am not comfortable using these sites. I've had people who told me that they got in touch with high school friends through Facebook. Good for you. If I didn't keep in touch with someone from high school it was probably because they were no longer important to me. If they had been important in my current life, I'd have kept in touch better. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't a few people I would like to reconnect with - on a temporary, intermittent basis - just that if I didn't I wouldn't feel deprived.

And these sites take time to do it right. I've had people invite me to join Farmville or to get Fish or collect Hearts or whatever little gimmick they've created to keep you coming back frequently to the site. It seems if you don't check in on a regular basis and feed your fish or harvest your crops, they die. At the very most I check Facebook once a day - I think I would fail miserably at these ventures. And they are just another way to use up your time in a totally nonproductive way.

Now I don't want to criticise those who enjoy Facebook as a way to keep in touch with the people in their lives. If this is all they have, I am glad they have it. I just don't need it at this time. I use my cell phone, my e-mail (a lot), and the family blog. If I do want to chat with someone, I typically don't want to do it in front of all your other "friends."

So, if I haven't become your Facebook "friend" - don't worry, I probably still like you . . . just e-mail me.

Ouch!

I think I broke my thumb. I don't know for sure because I probably won't go to the doctor - they don't really do anything with broken fingers and toes anyway.

But, back to the thumb. I was walking in my door last night (but not carrying too much - see earlier post - just a purse, work bag, water bottle, and the mail) and somehow my feet got tangled over something or themselves and I went down on my left knee.

I watched throughout the evening as the knot rose higher and higher on my knee, and knew my thumb was sore, but didn't think anything about it. Then during the night I kept waking up with my thumb really smarting. When I woke up this morning my thumb was about 50% larger than the other thumb. I can move it, but it really hurts to do so.

You don't realize how necessary thumbs are until you don't have the use of one of them. Pulling on socks for instance really requires that you hold the sock between the fingers and the thumb. Holding a steering wheel is another. I'm really thankful that I'm right handed or it could be a whole lot worse. And I hit the keyboard spacebar with my right thumb - whew.

So, unless something changes drastically and I feel the need to revisit the doctor option, I'll just go through the day with my left thumb protruding out away from my hand like a semi-useless appendage. Well, it worked for Fonzi. Aaaay!

More Like Dogs

I'm sure you've many comparisons of how everything is like life. But I think that we should be more like dogs. At least I should be more like my dog.

There is something wonderful about being greeted by dancing. Winnie greets me when I get home from work - or even if I'm coming back from the bathroom - by dancing and prancing around excitedly. She gets herself so excited that she has to shake herself off just to calm down. What an ego boost!

Wouldn't that be wonderful if we greeted each other by dancing and prancing? I'm sure it would brighten everyone's day and improve self-esteem.

The only problem would be that women "of a certain age" - like me - might wet themselves during the hellos.

Apples

I'm eating a delicious apple right now.

I have found that apples are either delicious or horrible. This one is called a Cripps Pink. I'm not sure what that means. Who or what is Cripps? It's not pink. But it's good.

When I was young I'd eat any apple - sour were my favorite. Now I'm particular. It can't be too mushy, or too sour, or too drippy. Unfortunately, you don't know any of those things until you take a bite. Just another instance of when it's too late to do anything about it.