Romance

I watched a romantic movie last night and it occurred to me that, while I truly enjoy watching these movies, Hollywood's idea of what romance is differs a lot from mine - and maybe from what is everyone's understanding of true romance.

In the movies (and to be fair, books also) two people who meet and are destined to fall in love never seem to like each other at first - often truly despise each other. Well, not always despise - but there is always something problematic about the two of them getting together. It's only over forced time together through something shared that "their true feelings" appear.

The fantasy is also that there is such a thing as one true love or soulmate. That there is only one person in the world that you could be happily married to and without them you are destined for a life alone and lonely. I think the number of people who lose a spouse and go on to find love again should convince you that this is not accurate. You are capable of loving many people throughout your life - no two in exactly the same way, but not necessarily without the same intensity and committment. I do, however, think it may be difficult to find two people that you can connect with enough to consider your soulmate - but it's not impossible.

But, what most people do isn't like fireworks and lighting striking when you meet a person. It's more that you become each other's soulmates through time, attention, and work. The movies don't show you this. We're led to believe that everything is instantaneous. It's not. Attraction may be instantaneous - but love and soulmates aren't. It's a process - often a long process. I have met people who are elderly and feel that their partner is indeed their soulmate. But if you really talk to them, you'll find that there were times that they really didn't even like their partner. But over time and perseverance, love and respect grow. Suddenly this person that you love - but often wondered how you could ever live with - becomes your soulmate. The other half of yourself.

But, I suppose a movie like that wouldn't sell as well.